July 3, 2016
What are family loyalties?
Family loyalties are defined as a set of beliefs and repetitions in life, linked to a feeling of loyalty to the generations which have preceded us. This type of situation means that, on the one hand, we inherit ways of life which now condition us to do or not do certain things and, on the other hand, we repeat patterns of life so as not to heal such things which could not be expressed by the intensity of pain with which they were lived.
Family loyalties are defined as a set of beliefs and repetitions in life, linked to a feeling of loyalty to the generations which have preceded us
How do the stories lived by our ancestors affect us?
All such things in life have been lived as a harsh blow, of an unforeseen and dramatic nature and which in the moment could not be resolved at the familial level which we call a “protective capsule”. These “capsules” have helped previous generations to protect and hide this experience, because at the time it was not possible to transfer the pain.
An example which occurred very frequently 50 years ago: the loss of a child. Now if we suffer the loss of a child, we have an extensive network of help which allows us to reléase whatever we are experiencing (although we do not always use it), with the objective of sharing in our pain, transferring it and then liberating us from it. In the face of this cruel experience, our grandparents, great-grandparents and great-great-grandparents did not have the same resources and would have to forget it to be able to care for the family and survive.
How did our grandparents manifest this pain?
Through silence and repetitions. For example, giving the name of the fallen son to the following or other relatives, after the death. The repetition of the name speaks to us of an externalising of the tension accumulated from this dramatic and painful experience.
All such things in life have been lived as a harsh blow, of an unforeseen and dramatic nature and which in the moment could not be resolved at the familial level which we call a “protective capsule”
To revise history, to understand the pain of our ancestors and to put into words the kept secrets which generated such pain and tension in each family, there starts a therapeutic work in which the person who bears the incomplete histories of the past can fall away from them.
The people who do therapy tend very often to show for the first time that they are able to express traumatic and painful experiences. So, it is important to help them to be able to verbalise agreeable and not so agreeable experiences with the help of work on the family tree. These last things, by being externalised, allow us to free ourselves from repetitions, illnesses and existential disorders which are kept guarded in the form of our family history.
The repetition of the name speaks to us of an externalising of the tension accumulated from this dramatic and painful experience
Why do we keep painful experiences guarded?
Because the secrets protect us from exposure to pain. And if we want to heal, we must reconnect with these painful situations. Does it hurt? Yes, and at time too much. But when it is finished, something inside us changes and we free ourselves from the burden. Life continues and we become creative. We put the repetitions and our loyalties to our past families behind us.
Are there stories of repetitions or painful experiences in all families?
Yes, the family legacy has a space for everything.
I propose to the reader a little game. You reunite at the same table with your parents and siblings and you each explain a situation which you have lived through together. Each one of you has a space to tell it and there is no place for judgements or recriminations. When we listen to the others, we can realise that the same story has been lived and felt in many different ways by each member of the family. The exercise is complete when we learn to respect how each one lives and feels the familial experiences.
... the secrets protect us from exposure to pain. And if we want to heal, we must reconnect with these painful situations
What are the experiences or family histories with the greatest Transgenerational burden?
A series of familial experiences exists which are often the most hidden in families and which we are burdened with on our backs, often without being conscious of them. They are experiences which, whether because of pain or shame, hide or even generate violent situations if you try to talk about them. It is exactly this combination of pain and shame, which makes it likely to happen, since the more pain and suffering an event generates, the greater the load on the family legacy and therefore generating Transgenerational burdens. These burdens are the result of silencing a dramatic event which needs to be expressed to be healed.
Everything related to money, sexual violence, marital or extramarital relationships, adoption, illness (of the skin, psychological and sexual), migration due to lack of work or money, wrongful deaths (disappearances, murder), economic losses or fraud often has a transgenerational connotion, which are related to such past stories and those which we experience today.
A series of familial experiences exists which are often the most hidden in families and which we are burdened with on our backs, often without being conscious of them
When we review our transgenerational history, we are not only looking at existing family loyalties, but we are also analysing all that we are burdened with an that we are living as if they are things that we deserve.
For example, a 75 year old man. After 3 marriages, 3 changes of home and having earned a lot of money throughout his life, he finds himself without anything. Looking at his genealogical tree, he discovers that his grandfather and father had to change their house because of losing all their money. In this tree he can see how the person continues to feel loyalty to their family, because despite having earned money and had a good life (in contrast to that which is ancestors lived), through family loyalty he finds himself like his father and grandfather, homeless and penniless. The same behaviour is repeated because of not doing the opposite of what our family has done, instead we must repair and release the pain to be able to leave behind the stories of family loyalty.
The compensation of familiar pain
The repetitions of life are a great indicator of the things that are hidden in our tree, but we also must address the Transgenerational stories as compensation.
Life often puts things forward to us so that we give them a little attention. The work at OBD, which comes from our Transgenerational histories allows us to see that which has occurred in the past and in our lineage, and it also opens a door towards accepting them and letting go. If it is given the space that is configured for it and is expressed, It stops having a sense of repetition.
Life often puts things forward to us so that we give them a little attention
OBD: the therapy to review our transgenerational memories
The therapy of Original Biological Decoding helps us to reconnect with the type of situations, to verbalise, externalise and allow the person to free themselves from the repetitions, family loyalties and family burdens which we keep in our cellular memory and in our subconscious.
To be able to heal past histories, the OBD therapy makes use of multiple tools, the most common and most informative being able to analyse the unfinished history of the family, the psychogeneology.
How do we live once we have found that it has worked?
Most likely we continue living with pieces of our history, which perhaps not longer be, but we do not fill them up with the imagination. We welcome them and allow them to feel inside us like a part of something that once was.
I remind you that life is very wise: each moment gives us the information needed through a dream, reading a book, talking with someone or opening a drawer which allows us to once more see something which was left hidden in the form of family secrets.
Terapist and Teacher
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